Wednesday, December 19, 2012

To Baby or Not To Baby

one of Claire's first photos

When are you having the next one?

You guys are going to have to have a little boy pretty soon. 

These comments are making debuts more often in my conversations with friends and family lately. Claire is 18 months now and for some reason everyone else in the world thinks that since she is walking around, babbling her mouth off, we are thinking about getting pregnant soon. I'm ashamed to admit that these comments are getting to me a bit and I have had babies on the brain. This post is not meant to be a final decision or anything, more of a space to express my thoughts and perhaps get some insight.

Danny and I were almost sure we have completed our family. As you can imagine, parenthood changes every day. We have our easy days and our hard days. Our sleepless nights and giggle-fests. The thing is, we love our easy days and our hard days as a family of three. Our easy days don't necessarily make us long to expand our family. They make us grateful that we have the abundant time and energy to devote to Claire and Claire only.

I worry about bringing a newborn into the mix and shaking up our family life. If the experience is anything like our life with Claire the first year, then our relationships would most likely be strained and time would be even harder to juggle.

In my opinion, the decision to have a second child is much harder than the decision to have your first. Having a second means changing a family. It means making a huge change in not only a marriage, but also in the first child's life. I worry about suffering from anxiety and having the anxiety affect not only Danny this time, but a toddler now too. But then again, I worry too much. Look at me, I am worrying about worrying too much! :) 

I think every family is unique. Some people loved being an only child. Some hated their siblings...and still do! If we do decide to have more than one child, it isn't guaranteed that they will all be one giant happy family like they are= on Brothers and Sisters (I am watching this show on Netflix all the way through...for the second time, ha). 

For now, Danny and I have decided to table the conversation. We were never discussing having another one very soon anyway, just my plan-and-worry-for-the-future self wanted to talk about a few years down the road. So that is that, I am not allowed to worry about this for a little while. I'm a little relieved to have put that little rule in place. I will just focus on my one little sweet girl for a while :)
on our walk the other day

But to keep feeding my curiosities a little bit, for other moms or dads, how did you know if and when you wanted to expand your family? Did your mind ever change one way or the other?


  1. For Nathan and me, we are waiting. He started working again so we have enough financially, but we just really don't want another yet. It's so much fun with Jack. We get the comments/questions too, "He needs a sister!" and maybe that would be fun for him, but I'm not going to just HAVE A BABY to 1) please other people and 2) so Jack can have a sibling. I want to have another baby when we are like, we'd like to bring another little life into the world and love it to pieces. I know my personality and if I were to have one right now, I'd be an anger ball. Instead of saying "I think we'll wait until he is 4 or 5 or whatever," I'll just say that we are waiting. Hah!

    1. Bonnie, I agree. :) I have the same feelings about bringing another kid into the world. Right now, I think that if we did decide to have another it would be more based on pleasing Claire in the future and that is not a valid reason!...we obviously have a lot to think about. Thanks for the input, it seriously does help to hear other mom's thoughts :)

  2. Misty, I think the reason they ask if you are going to have more children is because the RESULTS are SO GOOD. Great Grandma Evie

  3. I don't have a child yet, let alone multiples, but I do know what it is like to have siblings. :)

    My parents waited a few years to have me and then had trouble getting pregnant. They almost gave up, but I finally came around when my sister was 6. To be honest, I think that large of an age difference is hard. She had gotten pretty used to being an only child and had a bit of a transition adjusting to me. Until we became adults (or I should say until I became an adult), we were always in different places in our lives; difference schools, different friends, different life experiences.

    Saying that, having a sibling did teach me that I was not the only center of my parent's universe. They loved each of us equally and worked hard to make sure we knew that. This idea became even more evident when I gained 2 step-brothers. My mom now had 4 children to love, care for, and teach. In the midst of my teenage angst I didn't always love being 1 of 4, but I think it was an important lesson for me to learn. Not having my parents undivided attention 24/7 taught me social skills (I needed to make friends!), sharing, and most importantly, independence. These are all things that I have leveraged in my adult life.

    Again, I'm not a parent that is having to think about whether or not to have a second child. I think if it is stressing you out and effecting your relationship with Danny, then it is good to table to discussion for now. I just wanted to share my experience and contribute what I could. ;)